5 minute read.
This post is for the men this time.
Let’s talk about a very important concept that a lot of men overlook, but is actually a very crucial aspect of communication.
I’m talking about anger. Or more specifically, how men deal with anger.
In this post, I want to address how you as a man can deal with anger in a healthy way and become a much better communicator as a result.
If you can express your anger in a healthy way, you can become a better husband, father, friend, and overall person in general, in private and in public.
Dealing with anger in a healthy way helps you relate to what’s going on inside your soul or the essence of who you really are.
So, let me tell you about a principle that I believe with all my heart. I believe that anger is a mask for hurt in the core of your soul. Do you agree? Let me say that again.
Anger is a mask for hurt.
Most men deal with anger in a variety of ways. They can turn it inward and make it into a depression. They can also turn it outward and make it into violent rage. There are many different ways to deal with anger.
Every man goes through life with hurt, from someone or something. Women also go through life with hurt. Men are not uniquely hurt, nor are they hurt in unique ways. We all experience different kinds of hurt, whether it’s a mean word said to us, or being betrayed by someone you trust.
But because our society does not give men permission or opportunity to openly express their feelings, they often pack away or stuff their feelings inside. They are expected to express anger to varying degrees, but not other emotions that one might consider feminine, such as sadness, fear, or disappointment.
Once you develop a habit of internalizing and stuffing feelings inside on a regular basis, it begins to eat away at you like a cancer. And if you do that long enough, it starts to affect who you are, but you may not understand that it is happening.
So, anger is generally acceptable in our society as a male emotion, but if you exhibit that emotion to much or too frequently, you could get a reputation as an angry man. And this could lead to violence and rage in many forms.
It could be verbal violence with lots of swearing and cussing, or it could be a physical lashing out on people that are closest to you. When this happens, you start to rob people of joy and happiness who are the target of your anger, and you most certainly begin to rob yourself of joy and happiness as well.
But of course, what’s really going on is hurt.
So, by the age of 30 for example, a man can be hurt a number of times for various reasons, and for various things from various people. And this is normal. Think about it. What 30 year old man on this earth does not have a certain amount of hurt in his life? Everyone experiences hurt. The longer you live, and the more people you interact with, the more times you will probably be hurt.
Newsflash. Hurt is natural in this world. It’s okay for men to feel hurt. We are going to suffer pain no matter what we do. We are going to be wrong. We are going to fail. We are going to be sad. We are going to be let down. We are going to be disappointed. We are going to be betrayed by someone at sometime.
And if you don’t deal with pain in a healthy way by looking at it from a proper perspective and processing it in a productive manner, but instead letting it eat away at you without introspection and without understanding, it’s going to cause a lot of damage.
It can most certainly affect your marriage, and how you raise your children. It will also affect you in the job market, with your friends, and most importantly, inside your head and heart.
Once this pattern becomes more frequent, it can spiral out of control, and you may be very likely to party, drink, gamble, be promiscuous, or engage in risky behaviors as a way to numb the pain you feel.
It’s not uncommon for men to totally absorb themselves in work, sports, alcohol, or sex as a way to avoid feeling hurt. Any of that stuff is fine in moderation, but when it’s used as a device to avoid pain and hurt, you’re just asking for trouble.
Anger is a mask for hurt in most men. It’s true.
Today, take a deep look inside your soul. See the essence of who you are.
Are you what people might call an angry man?
If so, isn’t it worth taking a deep look and addressing the underlying hurt you feel. It could be deep hurt buried way down from your past.
Today, sit down and take an inventory of your soul.
Take a moment and do some work on yourself and address the deep hurt that you feel.
Take a moment and see if your anger is really just deep seeded hurt from the past that was never resolved.
Then talk about it. Talk to your spouse. Talk to a trusted co-worker. Talk to a buddy. Talk to a minister. Talk to your dad. Talk to your brother. Talk to your dog. Just talk about it.
Master this elusive thing called anger, which is really just a mask for hurt, and you’ll master a hugely important aspect of communication.
This will ultimately help you in the long run in your journey to become an excellent speaker and presenter. Be great at communication. Be a great man.
Always keep leaping forward, my friend!